My little town had a PTA sponsored lecture for students and parents at the HS last night. it was marketed as a "presentation on the nutrition of our children" featuring the famous (or at least in her own mind) nutritionist Dr. Felicia Stoler. i was actually excited that this was a public topic/forum and assumed that it HAD to include eating disorder information - so i contacted my nutritionist and she wanted to go with me. YAY
Wow, what a serious disappointment this woman was. The program should have been entitled "Sports Nutrition by an overly ritualistic and disordered-in-her-own-right megalomaniac nut". First, it took 3 people about 20 minutes just to read all all her credentials and work/job experiences (blah, blah, blah). And after all that blabbering and pomp and circumstance - she turned out to just read off her slides *yawn* and basically gave a presentation geared towards athletes and sports nutrition. Evidently, she works with a zillion organizations - among them (and believe you me, she mentioned every single one of them twice!) GNC, TLC, ABC, NYC Marathon. She had lots of opinions on how to fuel your body and hydrate before marathons and lacrosse matches - but when it came to her very brief, 5 min part of the presentation on eating disorders, this is where i really became uber disappointed, and by the end of her brief section...actually quite a bit infuriated and offended.
She started this section by rattling off "symptoms" of eating disorders in a most flippant and random manner....things to look for, notice, be cautioned by. Nothing significant regarding the issues related to, risks of or sources to help a parent, friend or actual disordered person him/herself. At one point, she actually performed for her audience the rudest gesture possible, as she mocked making herself vomit. Yeah, seriously. She stuck her fist in her mouth - well, close to her wide open mouth. As if the audience needed that demonstration. Thanks Felicia. Real classy.
During this entire section she was rude, crude and condescending. I pity the poor boy or girl who actually has the misfortune of walking blindly into this woman's office seeking help, cuz she'll certainly push them over the edge they are walking right then and there. She really does NOT get it. She talked about ED addicts needing an MD, a therapist and a nutritionist and in her own words, which i agree with. But then she continued on by stating that anyone who doesn't have all three is just a "risk to her practice" and not serious, so she simply cuts them loose. How kind she is, huh? How empathetic. nuh-uh. Not good.
Anyway, the hour and a half of diet and exercise information was nothing new to me. I've been on every fad diet she mentioned and condemned. After being hospitalized and counseled for nearly a year now for my EDs, I have learned much about nutrition and the physiology of the human body. I was quite surprised to hear that she'd actually interned at Somerset Medical Center in the EDU where i resided last summer. Did she learn nothing of the human condition whilst there? How the psychological effects of eating disorders can be debilitating and deadly? Was this not worthy of further dedication of time to all those kids and parents she had captive in the auditorium?
The silver lining of this event? Well, I am thrilled to know, after witnessing this presentation, that I have the very best team available to me. My nutritionist is NOTHING like Dr. Stoler - thank goodness!!!!! Mine actually CARES! She actually GETS IT! My nutritionist is smart, lovely, loving, caring, strong and able to actually help her patients...not with condescending judgement and simple "facts"...but rather with warm, self-esteem building guidance, education and genuine care. (Love you Donna!!!)
I started here, but I plan to write to the PTA at the school also. To have wasted such an opportunity that actually filled the HS auditorium with not only a big audience, but a bunch of hot air from a egotistical braggart, was truly a sin.
Aside from that, i'm in day 5 of good positive behavior. I'm sticking to my meal plan, staying positive, writing in my journal and here and visualizing a strong, healthy, beautiful (ED FREE) me! Carpe Diem! xoxoxo
Well, it’s so sad that you think your rant is part of your “day 5” of good behavior. Your disparaging an expert who earned her credentials and is highly regarded among her peers (not to mention provided an amazing and appropriate presentation) is just your harsh reality for having unmet expectations. If you “know everything” – why were you there in the first place? Dr. Stoler spent close to 20 minutes speaking about eating disorders.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking in front of 200 people of various ages is not the same as sitting one-on-one with a patient. You attended an event aimed at high school teens and their parents (I’m assuming you are neither). If you noticed, one-third of the auditorium was student athletes – it was for them.
Dr. Stoler handled all of the many topics quite responsibly – which was not her “opinion” but based upon facts. There was nothing that was “rude crude and condescending” about her style – it was your perception of reality that was skewed.
Who are you to stand in harsh judgment of another person? Do you feel better using the internet and a blog to vilify somebody who makes a living helping others (in our community)?
Your grasp of vocabulary is remarkable, but get your facts straight before you lie about what transpired at an event & a professional that our town was darn lucky to have addressing what we asked of her.
In continuation -
ReplyDeleteWhat you need to do is practice letting love and light into your “still hurting” life.
Hahaha - maybe i had the karma coming for a typed a very nice response over the past hour and just lost it all when trying to spellcheck it. Obviously I was meant to rewrite my response.
ReplyDeleteHello Anonymous one and thank you for taking the time to read my tiny little post and comment on it. I appreciate your time and efforts very much. I'm sorry you felt the need to hide from me, but respect that you felt strongly enough to comment at all. Although the anonymous aspect does make me wonder if this is Dr. Felicia herself having googled her own name to find this tiny little corner of blogland about her. :-) God, I truly hope not but i do wonder now...
Let me address items in the order you mentioned them - first you mentioned my rant as being part of my good behavior. For this I am happy for you for it means you do not have EDs and are not in recovery. Talks of "behaviors" are totally eating disordered related - as are symptoms and they are terms used to created general, non-triggering terms used in group setting among recovering people like in a support group or therapy session. So by saying I've been behavior free or had good behavior - this specifically refers to physical actions or uses of ED methods such as bingeing and purging, restricting caloric intake, use of enemas, laxatives, etc. Although I would like to see positive attitude as always a part of "good behavior" :-) when one has brain chemicals and bodily hormones readjusting to normal, sometimes positive attitude is difficult. But I doubt that is different that most people - not everyone is happy every moment of the day and whether their rant be on someone cutting them off in traffic or the price of Coach pocketbooks, we all have things that don't always make us ecstatic in our lives, agreed?
And just for the record, I spoke with several other parents (yes I am a mother of two here in Rumson) and the unanimous agreement was that none of us learned anything new about nutrition. Now, I do agree with you about the athletes there - there were many. And perhaps my issues would not exist if the lecture had been entitled Sports Nutrition or Nutrition for your Student Athlete, but it was not. It was toted as quote a "presentation on the nutrition of our children". So perhaps the promotion of the event was more to blame than the actual presenter herself.
I had an appointment with one of her "peers" who also has national creds and many degrees - and who trained her and was her boss during her medical internship years. We spent a decent chunk of time talking about her comments, including her very triggering and disrespectful vomit gesture and her rude comments about anorexics themselves. You mentioned that she spent almost 20 min out of a 90+ min presentation on EDs - which amounts to roughly 18% of her lecture time. I, as a member of the community who was very excited and hopeful for any kind of nutrition discussion in our community, was just disappointed with her cantor during that segment, her tone was certainly condescending and she made fun of the disease on more than one occasion - the highlight by her pretending to shove her fist in her mouth to demonstrate purging. Her old boss shuttered when I told him this, as this is just so uncouth and extremely infuriating to anyone who has dealt with an eating disorder either themselves, or with a child or spouse or parent. I had just really hoped an opportunity to educate 200 people about this deadly issue in our community would have been taken more seriously and I would have been the first one to stand up and applaud her. It's not an easy topic, it's ugly, it's deadly and it's very prevalent in Rumson - not only with our young boys and girls, but with lots of their parents. You'd be shocked if you knew the numbers! And do you know that the latest rage (I was told this by one of the other moms at the event) is binge drinking by our RFH teen girls. This is when they consume large quantities of alcohol quickly, hold it for a specified period of time, then vomit it back up on demand in order to get very high from the alcohol without consuming the calories from it. That's both dangerous and scary. And you can be sure, if they are throwing up booze, they are certainly doing the same with food - if not restricting it all together.
What facts am I not getting straight though? What did i lie about? And yes, had a local doctor volunteered her time and done the lecture for free, i might have been more forgiving for her generosity and mere celebrity presence on Wednesday. But she CHARGED our PTSA for this event. Ha! I am in charge of two community events in our area - one is a medical benefit and the other is a music foundation for the benefit of our NJ Troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. Before that I was the president of the Board for a popular child care facility in the area. I've also run corporate blood drives, worked with many local celebrities, include the two big local rock stars in the area who have never charged for their donation of time for a worthwhile cause...I was just really blown away by the idea that now only was she a ego maniac that needed a 20 min introduction by three credentialed women, but that she charged our PTSA for the very bland and ill-customized lecture for our kids. Yeah, that's my opinion. And i should remind you again it's my tiny little blog with three, 3, readers. I really don't think Dr. Stoler's career will be ill affected by my opinions. In fact, she may even appreciate the comments of someone coming from a unique and specific perspective. I know I would.
Which is why I want to thank you for writing again. I was 13 when I started using this disease. It is debilitating for not only a young girl's self esteem and body image, but our health as well. And after using my ED symptoms for 27 yrs straight, a friend of mine here in Rumson died last year and left her children without a mom, which made me seek treatment so that I would not leave my children the same way. Which lead to my inpatient hospitalization in the Somerset Eating Disorder Unit for several weeks, admitted under cardiac watch in September. So yes, I'm still early in my life-long recovery - and am working very hard to be strong and successful. But my emotions about this are probably much closer to the surface than yours or most about such topics. So thank you for pointing that out to me. I am very honored that you took the time and effort to read my post and graciously accept and respect all words of advice and improvement you offered me.
Especially in your second comment. I DO need to practice letting more love and light into my life - something I do affirmations on daily. Your reminding me of this feels nothing less than divine and I thank you again, very much, for the time you invested in my little corner of blogland. I hope we can continue by agreeing to disagree based on different life experiences and expectations in regard to the topic and event.
All the best to you...xo t
I enjoyed your post. i just discovered your blog through a comment u left on another blog. I'm going to read yours from the beginning time permitting. I am commenting anonymously because i don't want someone like your anonymous poster finding my blog & leaving nasty/negative/judgmental remarks.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous #2 - LOL - Thank you so much for your generous comments and support. I'm sorry that you are worried about persecution from Anon #1 - but I should assure you that I know for certain who she is and am quite sure she will not follow any of us around any further seeking even more tarnish upon her already soiled and off-kiltered professional halo. What she said here was bitter, nasty and unprofessional and lest she seek anymore discredit to her career legitimacy - she should know better now (although she should have known better then) to take a moment after reading my criticism (which I am perfectly entitled to), put her initial personal feelings and defensive mechanism aside and accept the comments for what they were and maybe even learn from them based on a public observer's standpoint.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, thank you so much for comments and showing your support. I hope we can connect sometime soon going forward.
xo t
Anonymous #1 here... I am actually a parent of a teen athlete who attends RFH... I was at the talk and Dr. Stoler is a friend of mine. She forwarded the Google Alert with your blog to my attention. Yeah, she was a bit upset by your words… especially after a male athlete from the high school emailed her, right after the program, to thank her for discussing eating disorders because he realized he had one.
ReplyDeleteLet’s face it; you were disappointed because the talk was not what you expected it to be. Not much would be new for someone who has been fighting an eating disorder as long as you… or anyone that is obsessed with reading up on the matter. Since high school students get very little nutrition education in school, the PTSA thought it would be great to bring her in for National Nutrition Month.
Felicia was asked to speak to the students and their parents – with an emphasis on sports nutrition. The PTSA opened the event up to the public – unbeknownst to the speaker until the day before. It was opened up to the public because Dr. Stoler is a high profile person and usually our programs only have 25 people in attendance. You may not like what she had to say from your viewpoint, and obviously you were not pleased with the way she covered the subject of eating disorders. However, you are not a teenager and having sat in on the presentation – I can say that there are “3 sides to every story” – yours, mine, and somewhere in between lies the truth. She didn’t make any rude comments about anorexics. The gesture you mentioned (sticking her hands near her mouth) was to show how people have bruises & markings on their hands from vomiting (as she was reading the list of symptoms). YOU know where and why they are there, but to a parent who may oblivious – or a peer of student - it was a useful visual – not making light of the subject at all.
Felicia is not a Rumson/Fairhaven resident (nor is her office nearby) – so why would you be upset that the PTSA gave her an honorarium (she didn’t charge them – it was offered to her)? It takes time to prepare a powerpoint presentation, create a handout and do the talk (and answer questions for 45 minutes). Is it unreasonable to be compensated for one’s professional time? For the record, what she was provided was 1/5 of her usual speaking rate. Do you really begrudge someone accepting $ because she paid a babysitter to watch her children while she came out to speak at our high school – oh and this is what she does for a living? Come on – cut me a break.
Try to focus on doing something positive in this world… there’s enough anger and suffering all around us. Did you ever learn the golden rule – do unto others as you would have them do unto you? You obviously have had plenty of your own suffering and have struggled for a long time. Harboring negativity is like a cancer… if you want to really heal and move forward – I would suggest you find the positives in life versus fixating on the negative. I do know Felicia very well – and can tell you that she deserves all the accolades that were said about her… she may not be YOUR cup of tea, but she has helped so many people with various health concerns, mentored students and volunteers extensively in the community and her in profession (like trying to get reimbursement for medical nutrition therapy). I write these words because we’re all people and the chip on your shoulder does not warrant disparaging Dr. Stoler (which is really what you've been doing).
Wishing you love, peace and light.
Ah, i knew you'd be back! And tell us, just how did you/she get my blog alert? Cuz several of us have tried to find my blog by using google and other search engines after your first darling comment and nothing came up anywhere. Just curious....
ReplyDeleteIt makes me laugh, ironically because sadly, you speak with total hypocrisy....as your original response was full of anything but peace, love, light and the golden rule. It was dark, nasty, angry and impulsive. Listen, maybe she's a great friend, and if so...good for you both. There are always two peas for every pod. But while Dr. Stoler worries about being seen on TV, getting more endorsements and popularity votes, she lectures about eating HALF a cheeseburger and only ONE of her daughter's french fries as a treat - which goes against every single thing all other Dietitians and Nutritionists tell you is normal eating. Hey, no worries, the rest of us have admitted and faced our demons and are down in the trenches with actual people who are suffering from this horrible disease and trying to help and educate and heal.
And for the record, Dr. Stoler is doing a fabulous job of creating a reputation for herself, I needn't do any further "disparaging" for since this post i have received numerous emails from other bloggers and readers and let me tell you....her reputation very much proceeds her.
Perhaps, one day she too will admit her issues and get help to live a non-disordered, and less ego-driven life.
And you, if you are indeed two separate people, should perhaps try taking your own (albeit empty) advice of love, peace and light and try living it, rather than spreading such sarcastic, angry and nasty conflicting messages regarding the golden rule. But it does amuse me how you end every rant with that little message. Like a catholic going to confession, somehow that makes you feel free of all your sins. But really, in the real world - the Universe is keeping track and you will have to live with the karma you create, ya know. There ain't no free rides baby. You and everyone else is held accountable, as we all should be.
Thanks again for visiting! Namaste.