Its been a really great week for me controlling ED, rather than the other way around. i've been exercising moderately (45-50 min) 4 times a week or so...a bit of cardio but more strength training to tone up. it definitely makes me feel stronger and have better body image. Plus the endorphins alone are worth it for me. I just feel so much happier when i am using my body in such a positive way. The key is moderation for me....with everything i guess. LOL
i organized a show last night that went quite well and although no real money was made - but a lot of new connections and friendships were cultivated, which is always good! So yay for us.
My support group meeting was good this week. Some really amazing people in my group and such unconditional love and support! I feel very blessed to be a part of them. A new woman joined us this week, and she's just embarked on her road to recovery. Ugh, such a hard time the beginning is. Realizing that what you consider your best friend and salvation is actually trying to kill you...that's a tough thing to accept. A year and a half into my recovery and i still totally have the days i want to go back. The days i CHOOSE to slip and regress. But i always get up, dust myself off and start over - because living in your disorder is truly living in HELL. I can't believe i did it for so long. And that saying that even your worst day in recovery is better than your best day in your disorder....god, nothing could be more true. I mean, yeah...ED tries (and is still sometimes successful) convincing me that living on the dark side is bliss. And that's when the addiction part is so evident to me. How would anyone willfully CHOOSE to starve, hurt, ache, self-abuse and mentally torture oneself? The only way you can possibly give into such masochism is via an addiction or disease. There is no other logical way - unless we're just plain kooky - which of course may be slightly valid as well! Hahahaha.
Anyway, the silver lining in all of this is that in my journey of recovery - i have met some of the most amazing men and women on Earth. The tiniest of bodies carrying the strongest of wills. So much bravery, heart and moxie that i never would have met in different walks of life - if it hadn't been for our EDs. So for that i am thankful. If you haven't met those kinds of people yet in your life, reach out...they are there. Those kinds of connections in friendship, i believe, are sprinkled around us by God/the Universe and are the little sparkly easter eggs we find when we need them most. But you have to be open and receptive and willing to share too - and you'll be pleasantly surprised by the lessons you learn from each other. It's quite beautiful when you discover new blessings in your life and you become overtly grateful for them. When this happens, even in the simplest of matters, life gives you more goodness. It is law. So just try it - i promise you'll be greatly rewarded.
And so i begin my weekend steeped in love. I am loved and i love myself. I am taking care of me instead of sabotaging myself - inside and out. The more i practice self love and trust in my recovery - the more i will be able to trust myself...which will beautifully spill over into every other part of my life. And i am so happy to be able to recognize how much i deserve that now.
And so do you. So start (or restart even) today! Right this minute.
Happy weekend!
