i sometimes wonder if i'm not manic depressive - or bi-polar. It seems like i'm either in a really good place, or a really bad one...mentally. I'm sure real bi-polar disorder is much more dramatic in regard to the actual swings. I'm stressed right now. Whatever it is that is causing my bone marrow testing to come back abnormal is still a mystery...and wondering what kind of evil is living in my body, wrecking havoc, is making me a bit nuts. Throwing off my balance, my zen, my perspective and my entire will to stay on track. I've never done anything half-assed...and i guess that follows me in my negative habits too! (Obviously! Ha!) So while I'm feeling cruddy, I figure why the heck should I try and feel good. I've been trying to kick this for so long now, and now my body is officially proving there is something wrong with it via these lab results...that it seems i've just sort of resolved to be ill. In every way. Dumb, i realize, but true.
i'm sorry I'm so Debbie Downer. Believe it or not, it does help me realize patterns and triggers when i write, so this is more for me than anyone else. I hope i don't cause anyone harm along the way though.
xx t
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