Hot and bothered....

Yep, got to 102 here today. BRUTAL man. I did 3 loads of wash and hung them on the clothes line to dry. Good day for that - but even just hanging the wash and taking it down and folding it into the basket...the sweat would drip from my forehead and sting my eyes. Icky.

My day was weird too. I'm definitely not in the same happy place i was a couple of days ago. And i had such a great weekend. Just when i really felt like i was getting my groove on too. I didn't have to work today at the office - which was nice, as i had so much to get done around here. Then something small, but meaningful to me, kind of put me in the "off" position.

As you guys know from all my blogging over the past several years - my first response to any kind of emotional conflict was to use ED behaviors. Well, it's not that i'm without slips...for i do still slip at times. But i am learning to give myself time to digest my feelings better. Numbing out was always my knee-jerk reaction before. Then there is no need to sit with your emotions, try to figure out why they make you feel the way they do. And gauge your reactions. For the most part, this is a good thing. Although i loathe that i am just now truly learning how to feel sadness, disappointment, confusion, anger, etc...it's a very good thing to see that i am making progress.

And i'm finding that i clean like a banshee when i choose not to hang with ED. (do banshees clean? ) Anyway....i wanted to give myself some credit. I have some very conflicting emotions in my head and in my heart....and its hard for me to sit with that. But often, the best gift anyone can get is time. Time is my friend. And so here i am...sitting in my kitchen, looking out my window to my (nearly crispy) garden (we have mandatory water restrictions!) wondering and wishing.

and feeling minimally proud of myself.
and knowing that i am a totally kick ass girl and that i deserve only the best in every part of my life.
and so it shall be.
(i hope...says the lil girl)